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Good News for Conflict Avoiders (Part 2 of Part 2)

Welcome back to “Good News For Conflict Avoiders” – Part 2 of 2.

If you missed part 1, click here.

Two HUGE pieces of Good News for all those who struggle with taking on conflict:

#1. You Don’t Have To Have It All Figured Out

How many times have you determined that you were going to deal with a specific conflict you had with someone only to come back home that night only to have bailed out and put it off once again?

Yup. Done that.


Fear? Yes.

Afraid that:

You might never get to an agreement?

They will try to make you see ‘their point of view’?

Not knowing the way to bring it up?

You have put off for so long that you will look silly to be bringing it up so much after the fact?

The awkwardness?

Ever feel like everywhere you go, God was trying to tell you something….?

Below are the three last conferences I attended this year & the main takeaway:

Marriage Conference: Just start the conversation with your spouse.

Unboxed Conference: In regards to race and politics: Just start the conversation with your friends.

Coaching Conference: In regards to ‘stuff’ from the past: Just start the conversation with those who hurt you or were hurt by you.

Why is this good news?

There is so much power in just exploring and or being brave enough to bring up a topic, and start a conversation about the ‘wedge’ that is trying to get or has gotten between you both.

This simple way of dealing with conflict will help you overcome the two greatest things that stand in the way:

Assumptions – that the past will repeat itself

Interpretations – making up stories in our head instead of allowing the future to unravel organically

Previously, I felt the weight of navigating the conversation until ‘unity’ was reached.

Although it is a righteous goal, I now know and trust that it might take MANY conversations for that to happen; and that’s OK.

Going forward, I am committed to simplify the process: let me hear what they are thinking about topic ‘x’ and then we will go from there – JUST START THE CONVERSATION. You may be closer to agreement than you think.

Focus on starting the conversation, not finishing it. You’ll never finish if you don’t start. If you start, you are that much closer to unity through empathy!

#2. One Moment of Conflict Pays High Dividends

In the film Back to the Future (1985) Marty, the son of George McFly travels back in time to 1955 and meets his mom and dad back when they are in high school.

Marty’s father George is bullied by his supervisor, Biff Tannen. George avoids this conflict and would rather be the brunt of jokes and be pushed around then stand up for himself and deal with Biff.

Finally, George’s anger reaches a tipping point when Biff tries to take advantage of a Lorraine (his future wife) in the car. George opens the car door knocks out Biff cold. Lorraine follows him to the dance floor, they kiss, and everything returns to ‘normal’ – except for a twist.

Marty, the son, awakens the next morning (back in 1985) to find that his dad George is a successful author, his mom Lorraine is fit and happy, and Biff is now a lowly auto valet.

That one act of courage in 1955, that one moment when George DID NOT avoid his conflict with Biff, that 30 seconds in high school where George knocked out the bully in his life, literally changed EVERYTHING for him, his marriage, and his family.

Not bad for 30 seconds of dealing with his conflict.

What conflict do currently have going on in your life right now?

Consider this definition:


“…some form of friction, or discord arising within a group when the beliefs or actions of one or more members of the group are either resisted by or unacceptable to one or more members of another group.”

Make a plan, pray about it, start the conversation & enjoy the high dividends for the rest of your life!



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